[Post still in editing process]
Hi.
My name is _________ Nicole _______.
I was going to just make a whole other blog for this one specific post.
That's how real I feel like getting.
YES. THAT REAL.
Had an epiphany today.
Came with at least two thirds a bottle of wine, a dime and Emo ass Kid Cudi playing in the background.
I don't expect you to expect anything from this blog. But it's about to get too honest.
I see around me... a bleak future for my peers. Nothing substantial.
I see people wasting time and numbing pain. I see in our eyes a common grayness.
Everyone feeling the same thing, but no one admitting it for fear of being the "emo" friend. Or , in better words: the overly "blooded, ardent, fervent, excitable, temperamental, melodramatic, tempestuous, demonstrative, responsive, tender, loving, feeling, sentimental, sensitive," one.
You know what I think?
No, no you don't cause you could never know me.
Done.
-A
NO, I couldn't. I couldn't leave it at only that.
To be absolutely, completely, honest: Tonight, my friend told me she tried to kill herself like 3 weeks ago and they had to pump her stomach.
:: FLatline::
I don't know how to begin on this subject, but I want to get my opinion out there.
First thing that came to my head?
-"I wasn't there for her."
Second Thing?
-"She has a three year old son, why would she do that?"
Third thing?
-"How can I help her?"
In all realness, we've ALL felt some kind of darkness overcome us completely at one time or another. Maybe not so much that we wanted to end our own lives, but enough that it hurt...bad.
I didn't even know what to start to tell her. I knew her life, where she came from, even why she became this person. But the words to say I understood, couldn't come out at first.
I believe we are so tied up in keeping that straight face, that we lose our ability to relate. To even try to touch bases with a common human, whom feels the same things you feel... all the time. To even understand that concept, you'd have to first grasp the idea that even the person sitting next to you on the train, has felt many of the same reactions to life that you have. Loss, Anger, Excitement, Peace, or Joy, we've all had those extreme moments.
Still, I couldn't, at first find something to tell her, without expressing my own weakness.
In that was the compromise. To be humane and give a fuck, takes off this Herculean shield. And of course why would one want to do that when YOU"RE COOOOOOLLLLL?!
Ugh, I feel like putting the comp down at this point. I don't want to tell people about themselves anymore. SO caught up with distractions, like zombies, led to look at the world in a certain way. God forbid someone told you about yourself. Wasting nights in a bottle of alcohol, wasting our lungs in a bong, fucking the pain away... replacing all the emotions your supposed to feel anyway in a substance. Why not just feel those things and find ways through them? Or to just live them?
NO one ever gave my friend a solution, or a way to cope. She thought giving out was the easiest road, thought that if she couldn't provide the life she wanted her son to have, then she shouldn't live at all. Where do we get these perverse twisted ideas of what life is supposed to be from? Why do we always think that the people we see smiling are happy? Why have to uphold a certain "rep?" Why not be real and say: "Yo, I feel like absolute shit today, please bear with me?" Why not get the response: "Yeah, me too dude?"
I started to see the pattern in our youth today most vividly through twitter... to be honest. I began noticing "scene goer's" late night desperate tweets. Sounding so empty, so alone. Yet when an "RT" to their blog is necessary, they talk to anyone and everyone about absolutely nothing. Push pictures of events about absolutely nothing, with people doing absolutely nothing (while high and drunk of course). Making music about absolutely nothing, writing about absolutely nothing. Nothing that mattered of course.
SO I ask myself do people really not see the bullshit? Could I really be that different? Am I the only one that noticed after that "poppin ass party" with all those "chill ass people" that unless u went home with someone, you felt the same? That the more you drank, the more you noticed that void? That the best part of the night was walking home with your homegirls, and how honest you were with each other? How hard you laughed once you left the "scene" and all the liquor that "took the edge off" had you now talking way too much shit.
I just don't know what were doing anymore. At 40 years old, are these parties gonna matter? Your blog gonna matter? That mix-tape you made and performed at Santos Party Haus mattered? Seriously? We have half private, half edited convos on a streaming timeline/chat room now? That's how we meet up to have quality time? LMFAO. I guess I'm just getting old.
While everyone else just seems to be getting younger and younger. My little brother and sister at 11 and in 7th grade remind me of the bleak state of our "e-cultured" youth even more. i.e: My little sister telling me about some of her classmates being "bi." Opening my little brothers IM message from a class mate, and the little cluck asking him how his love life is?! What in the fucking world is going on? You're 12! It just happening sooner and sooner, the desensitization.
From young, being fed this fucked up ideal of how we're supposed to look to everyone else, so much that we forgot how to be truly human. To love, forgive and relate. To care, to give a three flying fucks. To open up and express those horrible feelings you feel. Instead we clam up, keep that smile on, down that shot, write that tweet, take that pull, make that joke... all until our demise.
Only generation to never form a subculture was ours. You know what we'll be remembered as in 20 years?
The Douche Bag Generation.
-A
The above message was only intended for the masses. If i'm not talking to you, then I wont strike you.
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2 comments:
Ours is an envionment where evil is perceived to be rewarded while good is punished. As with everything the Gods have a reason for creating this perception::::
People who fall on the good side of the good/evil scale have more favor, and when they do something wrong the Gods punish them BECAUSE THEY WANT THEM TO LEARN. The Gods want them to receive this feedback in hope they make corrections and begin to behave appropriately. The Gods DON'T like evil and refuse to grant this feedback.
EVERYBODY pays for what they do wrong, only evil people must wait until their next life before they will experience the wrath of the Gods, manifested in their reincarnation as a lower form of life into environments with increased/enhanced temptations.
Sadly, this allows the Gods to position this perception of evil rewarded as temptation, one which they use as an EXTREMELY effective corruptor.
Both Africa and the Medittereanean are regions which have sexual issues. This is a sign of morbid disfavor once you understand that females are the God's favored gender. Muhammad's (Mohammed's) polygamy halfway through his life as a prophet was preditory. Now a huge percentage of Muslims believes in male superiority and that the abuse of women is God's will. Female genital mutilation is still practiced in Africa. Black misogyny is the most eggregious example in the recent past.
Black member size is temptation to a predisposed population.
The patriarchal cancer spread throughout Europe because of Christianity, of which the majority of policy makers were Italian men. Expect the largest landowner in Europe and the continent's original superpower also played a major role in African slavery.
Militancy in Africa is consistant with the Iraqi example, as was slavery and the KKK here in America:::Fear enforces proper behavior. Without it we see what happens as a result of gross/morbid disfavor:::::AIDS, crack babies, dead young men in gangland retaliation killings. This is the purpose behind many black's historical tendancy towards resistance.
The same principle was true in Europe and throughout the world for centuries:::People whom lived under iron fists were conditioned to think the right way. As a result they experienced higher numbers of children accend into heaven because they were taught to think and behave appropriately, which they passed on to their children. Our preditory envionment of "freedom" was the primary purpose the Gods had when implimenting this strategy that is the United States, one which they used to spred the cancer of democracy and westernization throughout the world. And the Gods use this tool that is America to prey on the disfavored both at home and abroad:::Much like the ghetto, America in general experiences a heightened level of temptation due to the people's disfavor.
Even the Old Testiment is not to be taken literally, but the Gods do offer clues throughout to help the disfavored:::The apple is a tool of temptation used to corrupt Adam and Eve and cast them out of the Garden of Eden.
There is another lesson to be learned from this passage, and it is quite similar to the vailing issue and the discourse over women's attire which ultimately died in the 70s:::Women are responsible for and control the fate of mankind.
Think about what I say. Consider what I teach. Society is going to become disturbingly ugly as we approach the Apocalypse due to spiralling, runaway disfavor.
I do not know when this will occurr, but it is the God's way to grant some time before they end on Planet Earth.
Make the decision to always be good and never look back. Until you do this technology will employ tactics to test your resolve:::Ridicule, beligerance, doubt and refusal to abandon what people perceive to be their "investment".
Pray daily. Think appropriately. Too many are confident, unaware of the God's awesome powers or their status as antients. Others may fall prey to their positioning.
Be humbled, God-fearing and beware of the God's temptations, for everyone is tested to evaluate their worthiness.
Search rest
Relaaaax. whew.
-A
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