Honestly #7

These are stupid rap lines I come up with at 3:10 am:

"You fuck me?, bitch I'll erase you from my memory, eternal sunshine of the spotted mind, piece gone like J Kennedy."

or

Oh fuck me? Bitch I'll erase your whole memory.
Eternal Darkness of The Spotted Mind,
Chunk gone like J. Kennedy.

Or about 2 other variations of that same line.

Idk. Random ignorant bars are easy to come up with.

-A

Remember when?

I used to blog about current events?
Remember when I used to blog about world issues and politics?
Remember when I used to put more effort into this?
If you do, that's going on 2 years ago.

Damn.

-A

Update (Obviously) Again

Hey um, I'm drained.
Anyway why can't I have happy stalkers? Why are my anonymous stalkers so angry? Could there ever be such a thing as someone who's obsessed w/ something, in an ok or healthy way? No, because one most definitely defeats the other. But anywho, I was fucking with my proposed new blog server, (on Wordpress; a Tumblr account IS NOT Blogging. See: Web scrap-booking), and I don' like it there. So many options and little bars, I don't think I need that many options. Yet I would prefer a more refined blog style with a larger main column. So when I eventually feel like putting effort into something that does not matter... I'll tweak it and renovate the place.

-A

---

Edited on Saturday, Nov. 21st, 2009 to say:

:: "Yeah , I know" face ::

I think I might stick my foot in my mouth and say; a tumblr account in not often used as a real blog, but... can be in the right hands. Those hands possibly being mine.

:: "Yeah, I know" face ::

-A

I USED TO

think Drake was the man at one point but then:

He turned into that nigga andd...
Fuck you drake for being the rich kid that we only hang with because you buy all the weed, even though you don't inhale. Fuck that shag rug around your neck and FUCK Wale's middle stripe crew neck.
How is this in GQ? Only Cudi gets a "Go." SMDH

Don't even make me get into a "what happened to rappers?!" discussion right now.
-A

Too Long For Twitter #1

Inside Thought: You remember where you were the first time you heard Jim Jones - "Summer Wit Miami?" Had me thinking I'd sold kilos in Dade County before. #hoodratshit

"Top Notch" Sosaaaaa Bitch. :P

-A

Sleepless nights

Long hours &
Rain &
dark
wet
cold
concrete &
scuffed leather &
bite marks &
broken nails &
ashes &
eyeliner
red lipstick
stockings &
garter belts &
broken strands of hair.
Salt & Sting and
All The Sins in between.



-A

"It's Almost Christmas Time" Music...In NYC.

(YES IT IS IMEEM, JUST FUCKING SIGN IN)

-A

Honestly #6

Subwoofers do it for me.

-A

Swoon

These are kinda cheesy. Yet, I absolutely love the romanticized idea of love they portray nontheless...

Vivien Leigh & Laurence Olivier in "That Hamilton Woman"




The real scene I wanted to find was of when he falls ill & she handles absolutely everything for him.

-A

oh BTW,

I had my appendix taken out exactly 1 month ago today. I really don't want to go into it right now but I'll show you this:

2 days post surgery-

I don't know what it did to me yet, but it did something. Imagine that? I'll update this entry with a pic of 1 month post op later today.

-A
(I know, I cringe also)

I'd Love,

to talk politics with you all knowing beings sometime. Yet, I've decided its best to not comment on something unless you have the power to change it or are trying to.

-A

I need those boots...

My favorite scene in any piece of moving art, ever, in history:


-A

One Day...

...when the planets align, god says it's ok and there's enough trust to carry it along...

I will get married and dance on my oak wood floors, in my huge house, after a fight w/ my husband, while in my husband's arms; to this song:

"It's looking like a limb torn off
Or altogether just taken apart
We're reeling through an endless fall
We are the ever-living ghost of what once was

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

And anything to make you smile
It is a better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard.

Anything to make you smile
You are the ever-living ghost of what once was
I never want to hear you say
That you'd be better off
Or you liked it that way

But no one is ever gonna love you more than I do
No one's gonna love you more than I do

But someone
They should have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard"



-A

Classic

To understand a man like: "Alfie (1966)"

Start at 2:46 into scene here:

Continue on with this next entire one:

Now watch the rest of the following, but stop at 5:32 into the clip:


-A

My Dream Job

Would be to be a Writer/Actor on SNL... Shhh Don't tell Anyone.



-A

Starlet Dreams...

*Las Vegas Suites
I'll walk around these... (might want to mute)



[only because the presidential suite doesnt come w/ it's own pool.]
...in this

---

*Oh ello, My main estate is in Bridgehampton, will you be bringing guests?

Virtual Tour

---

*Cruise through all the Greek Islands in this

...While I wear this

...& this

...& this

---

*Then we'll fly this

...w/ me wearing this

...to here:

Where I'll change into this...

...Or this

...to go have dinner here

What Restaurant is This?

---

That's all for this episode in "I'm fucking bugging"

-A

50 Cent

is one "street" mother fucker. I was never able to sit through anyone of his interviews. In my view, he's be labeled as a "dumb, smart cat."
Yet, with him still being a hard pill to swallow, there is no denying this man's knack for talking shit. Shit-talking he supports with factual evidence. He is one business savvy/practical person. His business is rap, and he def knows what is going on in his industry. Along with how to use it to his advantage. His own genre of hip-hop itself, in danger of disappearing like disco in the 80's; he's constantly trying to stay afloat among sorry competition...



-A

Eh Mira,

"And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when"
- not me

---

That sums up today's mood... pretty much.

-A

I'm not there.

But I'm not here either.

I wrote about 4 posts on here today that I deleted. It'll sort out soon.

-A

Update (Obviously)

I'm in the process of going through a lot of these posts and editing, especially in regards grammar. Forgive previous typos.

-A

and this is what happens when you stray from the Pack...

[Post still in editing process]

Hi.
My name is _________ Nicole _______.

I was going to just make a whole other blog for this one specific post.
That's how real I feel like getting.

YES. THAT REAL.

Had an epiphany today.
Came with at least two thirds a bottle of wine, a dime and Emo ass Kid Cudi playing in the background.

I don't expect you to expect anything from this blog. But it's about to get too honest.

I see around me... a bleak future for my peers. Nothing substantial.
I see people wasting time and numbing pain. I see in our eyes a common grayness.

Everyone feeling the same thing, but no one admitting it for fear of being the "emo" friend. Or , in better words: the overly "blooded, ardent, fervent, excitable, temperamental, melodramatic, tempestuous, demonstrative, responsive, tender, loving, feeling, sentimental, sensitive," one.

You know what I think?
No, no you don't cause you could never know me.

Done.

-A































NO, I couldn't. I couldn't leave it at only that.
To be absolutely, completely, honest: Tonight, my friend told me she tried to kill herself like 3 weeks ago and they had to pump her stomach.

:: FLatline::

---

I don't know how to begin on this subject, but I want to get my opinion out there.

First thing that came to my head?

-"I wasn't there for her."

Second Thing?

-"She has a three year old son, why would she do that?"

Third thing?

-"How can I help her?"

---

In all realness, we've ALL felt some kind of darkness overcome us completely at one time or another. Maybe not so much that we wanted to end our own lives, but enough that it hurt...bad.
I didn't even know what to start to tell her. I knew her life, where she came from, even why she became this person. But the words to say I understood, couldn't come out at first.

I believe we are so tied up in keeping that straight face, that we lose our ability to relate. To even try to touch bases with a common human, whom feels the same things you feel... all the time. To even understand that concept, you'd have to first grasp the idea that even the person sitting next to you on the train, has felt many of the same reactions to life that you have. Loss, Anger, Excitement, Peace, or Joy, we've all had those extreme moments.

Still, I couldn't, at first find something to tell her, without expressing my own weakness.
In that was the compromise. To be humane and give a fuck, takes off this Herculean shield. And of course why would one want to do that when YOU"RE COOOOOOLLLLL?!

Ugh, I feel like putting the comp down at this point. I don't want to tell people about themselves anymore. SO caught up with distractions, like zombies, led to look at the world in a certain way. God forbid someone told you about yourself. Wasting nights in a bottle of alcohol, wasting our lungs in a bong, fucking the pain away... replacing all the emotions your supposed to feel anyway in a substance. Why not just feel those things and find ways through them? Or to just live them?

NO one ever gave my friend a solution, or a way to cope. She thought giving out was the easiest road, thought that if she couldn't provide the life she wanted her son to have, then she shouldn't live at all. Where do we get these perverse twisted ideas of what life is supposed to be from? Why do we always think that the people we see smiling are happy? Why have to uphold a certain "rep?" Why not be real and say: "Yo, I feel like absolute shit today, please bear with me?" Why not get the response: "Yeah, me too dude?"

I started to see the pattern in our youth today most vividly through twitter... to be honest. I began noticing "scene goer's" late night desperate tweets. Sounding so empty, so alone. Yet when an "RT" to their blog is necessary, they talk to anyone and everyone about absolutely nothing. Push pictures of events about absolutely nothing, with people doing absolutely nothing (while high and drunk of course). Making music about absolutely nothing, writing about absolutely nothing. Nothing that mattered of course.

SO I ask myself do people really not see the bullshit? Could I really be that different? Am I the only one that noticed after that "poppin ass party" with all those "chill ass people" that unless u went home with someone, you felt the same? That the more you drank, the more you noticed that void? That the best part of the night was walking home with your homegirls, and how honest you were with each other? How hard you laughed once you left the "scene" and all the liquor that "took the edge off" had you now talking way too much shit.

I just don't know what were doing anymore. At 40 years old, are these parties gonna matter? Your blog gonna matter? That mix-tape you made and performed at Santos Party Haus mattered? Seriously? We have half private, half edited convos on a streaming timeline/chat room now? That's how we meet up to have quality time? LMFAO. I guess I'm just getting old.

While everyone else just seems to be getting younger and younger. My little brother and sister at 11 and in 7th grade remind me of the bleak state of our "e-cultured" youth even more. i.e: My little sister telling me about some of her classmates being "bi." Opening my little brothers IM message from a class mate, and the little cluck asking him how his love life is?! What in the fucking world is going on? You're 12! It just happening sooner and sooner, the desensitization.

From young, being fed this fucked up ideal of how we're supposed to look to everyone else, so much that we forgot how to be truly human. To love, forgive and relate. To care, to give a three flying fucks. To open up and express those horrible feelings you feel. Instead we clam up, keep that smile on, down that shot, write that tweet, take that pull, make that joke... all until our demise.

Only generation to never form a subculture was ours. You know what we'll be remembered as in 20 years?

The Douche Bag Generation.

-A
The above message was only intended for the masses. If i'm not talking to you, then I wont strike you.

Honestly #5

Me starting to use this blog as a journal = not good. Even I notice when I sound like a typical chick.
Yet, no art, music or video is able to move me at this point. I'm consumed with what's inside me.

-A

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of...

There was going to be a long post here on all of my most favorite things. Or more like things I would own had I had all the money I could ever want. But I got distracted

---

Either way, Sweet Dreams are made of all the things I can't have and in my right mind know I'll probably never get.
(unless someone wants to just come and give them to me of course)

-A

Blank Space?

Fill it innnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

"People call us renegades
'cause we like living crazy
We like taking on the town
Cause people getting lazy

I don't care what nobody says, no
I'm going to be her loverrrrrr
Always mad and usually drunk
But I love her like no other"

Orly?
Nonotrly.

-A

Honestly #4

Everyday single day I wake up, I desire to board a plane and just "leave." "Leave" to ANYWHERE but here. Though I know I won't be leaving anything behind, only bringing along extra baggage that will eventually have to be opened.

-A

Wanna watch some "smart" shit?

You care? You got 23 minutes? Watch this with me:

Brief video on the effects of Recession here and abroad-


-A

Honestly #3

I've never been good with having the right words. The wrong ones on the other hand?
Oh that is a gift I indeed possess.

-A

I've been watching too much Dexter.

For real. I know this because this fucking retarded show has me comparing myself to other people. As in "I'm different because _______."

Nooooo I'm not a serial killer and have no desire to even remotely hurt people. Well unless of course my life or the life of a family member is being threatened. But this was not my point...

Dexter constantly puts himself up against other people and notices the huge gap.
All emo shit aside... I can relate. There's this sense that you are somehow cut from a different cloth, somewhere along the way you learned something different that in turn made you different. I am not Dexter though in the sense that I am not so deep into my own way of thinking that I have developed a psychosis. I am able to think outside the box and relate to those whom can hardly do the same in return.

It's been very rare to come across people that I can hold to that same regard. Very few people get it. Those whom I have met are obviously my closest friends. Not always my longest friends but indeed my closest. So, when one of those people has been lost, it feels like a piece of the puzzle went missing. The puzzle being the bigger picture of course. These people somehow manage to help you see things in yourself that you never noticed. Dexter has/had these people also. We all need those people.

In a sense the best of these people end up being a companion & in turn your spouse and/or mate. Yet it's best to clarify that in my reality, it's not so much the person who can understand you; but more the person who is like you. To me, Anything besides the person like you... is just a person that is judging you. Judging and relating are two very different things. I feel you need to relate to a human to truly connect with them. You need to see yourself in someone else.

Eventually in typical "Love stories," this then leads to that pair being so connected they're emotions work in unison. Subsequently to truly care would mean that person's happiness becomes your own, and your happiness helps them thrive.

I honestly know nothing about that common denominator.



-A

It all changes yet manages to stay Exactly the same,

I'm not a poet, a writer or a rhymer.
These are just my thoughts...

[that shoud be my "Bio"]

Anyway seems obvious that this right here: (spec of space on the internet, titled "My Blog"), is somehow equivalent to the therapist chair.
i.e.: Come over (type address in address bar), sit in the chair (sign in to blogger), sit down (click edit new post) and spill (spill).

I like the word SPILL. Definitions: -to cause or allow especially accidentally or unintentionally to fall, flow, or run out so as to be lost or wasted. or -to spread profusely or beyond bounds.

Hmph.
?????

As to say that once something has spilled out it can no longer be retrieved = TRUE.
So I watch what I spill.
Yet to say that in turn would be an oxymoron. Due to the fact I would then be saying you can control spillage and that is simply FALSE.

---

I was going to use this post to write about what I think of other people. Specifically people who pretend. i.e.: You redo the whole facade of a house but never renovate the inside. Or paint the walls but never fix the plumbing. But who the fuck cares about those people?

---

I've been one of those people before. I watched what I said once upon a time, I used to care what my peers thought. I've even gone out my way to win people over.
Those things are now tiring. I rather show you upfront what you're working with.



-A

Honestly #2

I don't even know. I'm just so disappointed... in most of you. Not ALL.

-A

Take it esaaay babe...

-A

Bad

"Turning boys into men and then back again."


-A

Soo much

FIrst off, I've been wanting to get extremely personal on this blog.
and when I say extremely; I mean EXTREMEly.

i.e: "shitting in an already clogged toilet is not a very educated thing to do."

But I hold everything in, so that when I am talking to actual people, there's something left to divulge, expose and share.
We got so obsessed with making online personas to expose ourselves somewhere along the way, that we forgot those exposures of your true self... those things are supposed to be earned. Not just given away to anyone with an internet connection. Those little moments of extreme honesty hold your true worth, so I'm scarce to reveal them here.

What I was going to do was make another blog. Just for simple ramblings I'd like to explain in MORE THAN 140 Characters. One I wouldn't link to here due to old lurkers whom get very angry when I admit I'm human. Also (btw) actual web stalkers DO exist. and they are scaryyyy.

---

But fuck it, like I've said many times before... This here is for ME.

So yes, yes I will tell you that I hate children... this includes some of my close friends.
Yes, yes I will tell you that in spite of my current attempt at quitting THC, I feel the need to do it more often than never.
Yes, yes I will tell you that simple things like Twitter have ruined personal contact.
Yes, yes I will tell you that I don't give a fuck about your "cold shoulder," unless you say it directly... Passive Aggressiveness only confuses everyone and you should grow some balls.
Yes, yes I will say no to taking a picture for your "culture recording" photog blog.
Yes, yes I will NOT Dubb on that cool guy/dj at the party.
Yes, yes showing your boobs does make you easy.
Yes, yes I am up at 4:36 w/ no plans of sleeping because I have issues. You do too.
Yes, yes these issues sometimes include men, money and love.
Yes, yes I will tell you to please stop shaving your hair off women. It's enslaving not liberating at this point.
Yes, yes I don't care where you bought that vintage dress or what current photo "captures your essence." Have something I can read, maybe something thought provoking?

Something I can touch, feel and hear?



-A

Honestly #1

I re-read a lot of my posts and realize how high I was when I typed them.

-A

Peter Bjorn & John

I can't say anything except that they are unbelievable writers:

Please put Chastity's books and magazines away
'Cause they don't move me no more
They don't move me no more
Put them all away

Forget photos and letters
All the people that matter
They don't move me no more
You don't move me no more
And you're no longer mine

It's suprising how rapidly
We were changing from you and me
No matter how you count, oh no
It will go to show

When history is done
And everything is over
Just to keep us warm
It's slowly getting colder
There's nothing to explain
It's hard to stay the same
History is done
And everything is gone

Early morning, and late night
Going over the same fight
Don't move me no more
You don't move me no more
And I don't even mind
All these things I keep
Without caring too deep
Gonna put it to sleep
I can run much faster
When nothing wears me down

He can change what it's been before
It's erased and you can't restore
Let the screen stay black, go go
I don't want it back

When history is done
And everything is over
Just to keep us warm
It's slowly getting colder
There's nothing to explain
It's hard to stay the same
History is done
And everything is gone

Everything is gone .

(VIDEO HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CONCEPT OF THE SONG, they be wildinnnnn)
Peter, Bjorn and John - It Don't Move Me


-A

It's not cloudy out cause they're burying him...

Imjusayin.

But the 4th nniverssary of Hurricane Katrina is today. SMH at everything.

NEWS STORY

So what happened that day?


-A

Michael Jackson...

I'm not even going to go into my own personal opinion about the man that was Michael Jackson... (People get way too bent out of shape for a complete stranger), buuut The Star that he was , will never be duplicated again.

The man was just a legend in his own time. He would have been only 51 on Aug. 29th, the same day chosen to rest him in the ground.

Anyway, every person my age can remember watching a Michael Jackson video as a kid. Some of the themes when watched while I was a child, blatantly tripped me out. Seeing them again now, they just seem genius. He was indeed the best. He was the beginning of a lot of other artist's sounds and styles. Musically what he did for us was extremely progressive, and I thank him for that.

But visually, the man made movies out of music videos...

Short:


Long:

---

And whacked out shit in general :)

-A

Yo

"Salt & Pepper" GUESS Jeans

Description for that when I can put it into words.

-A

Seriously?

Yeah I know.. It was "my shit" too. Smh.

-A

I Wonder Who

...The person is at Twitter who "Verifies" the "Celebrity" Accounts? The owners are just a bunch of stoner friends. Just regular guys with a genius social web idea.
So the guy who actually handles the process of the "Verification" ... what does he do? How does he do it? It must be hilarious honestly... like does he call them?
Imagine a pot head calling lets saaaaay Oprah? How does that phone conversation sound? I'd ask her the most fucked up shit... I could never have such a sweet job... I 'd fuck it up:

Me: "So the torture chamber on the 6th basement of your Fortress... what color are the walls?"
Oprah: "Excuse Me?"
Me: "Well I'm just wondering because if you really were Oprah, you would know... cause I've been there."
Oprah: [hangs up]
Me: [calls Oprah back]
Oprah: [picks up] "Listen If you..."
Me: [interrupts with ]"The color Purple Opraaaaah.. The Color Purple!"

-A

---

1961

Generally... I may sound like a hippie at times.

-A

Just Open Your Mind

If you can spend 2 hrs and 30 min. on Twitter, you can spend the same amount of time watching this. I Don't have much to say before you watch this except that: My peers today honestly do not give a fuck about this kind of stuff. Tonight's party and tomorrows sneaker release are more important to them. If this was a documentary on Jay-Z's fall of Rockafella and his beef with Dame Dash it would get double the hits. Most people are programmed to believe that any talk of conspiracy makes one a crazy fool. I do not believe I am the previous but do whole heartedly believe what they are saying is possible in this Docu. You have to have a very open mind to watch this. Here you go:

WAKE UP CALL: A TRUTH Documentary


What do YOU Think?
Will you inform others or are you too afraid of going against the status quo?
Go against the norm and inform...it's all we can do really.
-A

Im starting over somewhere else...

... I think. I just find it obnoxious to even read my own words at this point. But I don't want my past blogging to disappear. Maybe I'll leave it here. But I might want a fresh start. Idk I'm arguing with the idea of starting up on wordpress. I need to stop wasting blog topics on twitter... What to do?

-A

Where Do I Begin?

"We stopped blogging because the second we stated what was real you called us haters. There was nothing that excited enough emotion to hate on though. Nothing we envied... Later we grew tired of people with no valor stating their opinions. We're talkin AT you... not with YOU... But what would a blog be with no comments? I have no desire for a Tumblr account. Keep your random pictures... I'd rather write. There are writers and readers, people simply don't know their place anymore. So "We" gave up. No more copying and pasting, No more searching The scene, it wasn't worth it the hunt anymore... The inspiration simply void... That and my itunes playlist stopped playing and it was silent for too long while I was high. You know what they say happens when the music stops..."

Excerpts
-A

I dont know but,

This is the best song I've heard all month:

-A

"Cause When You Try Hard, That's When You Die Hard."

Do us ALL a favor. CUT THE SHIT!


I need all the ladies who wore Puma bags one year ago while attending college to raise their hands... Now if you raised your hand but at the moment your style consists of "edgy" pieces you're officially a follower. You probably just made a blog or a twitter account with some kind of gun or razor blade as your background. You now like "biker boots" and have a keri hilson type of hair cut or dye job. You probably love Rihanna also.

I'm blatantly hating right? Maybe. Let me explain why the new wave of "Rebels" bothers me. 80% of the people I see in "the scene" grew up in a house in either: A. New Jersey B.Queens or C.Long Island. And I'm not talking to those of you who grew up in a house but it was still the hood. I'm talking Suburban two car homes where mom cooked dinner every night. You probably went to all 4 years of high school with no problem and even got punished when you acted up. You wore Joyce Leslie and lived for sneaking your boyfriend/girlfriend in through your window. Mommy money was always readily available. Even if you had to argue a bit and til' this day your parents paid for the first month, last month and deposit on "your" new apartment in the city.

So why would I give a fuck? Beautiful for you right? Why am I mad that your parents loved you and you came from a good home? WHY?! Because:

If that is who you are and how you were brought up...you probably go to Sway on Mondays but don't drink or smoke. So why the fuck would you want to be "edgy?!" Why do you act like you've ran through these streets when you were 11 cutting your hands on barbwire? Why do you think it's cool to look "hardcore" when you're sweet as a button underneath? I don't care or would ever dislike you if you were being you but don't try to be me or my friends. I rather you wear your Uggs (even I have a pair) and Ambercrombie hoodies. Go Drive the X3 they gave you for graduation back home please.

Why go try to live in Brooklyn and suffer like we used to? Do you feel the need to wear bullet chains so you can look a bit tougher? Is it to identify yourself more with the struggle you believe those around you have experienced?

Is it because you went to fashion school and picked up on trends and decided: Hey I like this Street Wear/Flannel 90's Grunge look and Ima go with it? But if that wasn't you last month why the transformation? If you bought Britney Spears' album but all of a sudden I throw The Rolling Stone's "Hot Rocks" on and you say "ohhh I love them!" But cant name them for me... ummm????? Why can't you just be you? You probably come around me and my girls and don't know what to do but agree with what we're saying.

I roll with a bunch of Psychos, girls whose dads were once crack heads, whose parents beat them, who smoked waaay too early and took the train to school in 6th grade.

Why do you want to be us while we wish we had it like you? Maybe I shouldn't have concentrated on the fashion aspect of it so much, because to each their own. But it's more like when I see people portraying a lifestyle they aren't living or never lived. Why the gun tattoos if you never shot a gun? (I HAVE!) How could that be significant to you if you grew up on an island with a rural family? You think getting beat up makes you "edgier" right? You've "been through something" now.
Suck my dick. For real! Please do! I wish I could gag you with it and make you fear for your life to give you some kind of real life threatening experience.

In the end (because I know someone will have some side shit to say about me judging others), but in the end: Please just be real, with you and your peers. Don't act crazy if you're not. You want to tattoo your face? Chill... be cute. Danger from "For The Love of Ray-J" can do that because HELLO! Shorty cried when they said they were goin to her home town to meet family. Now why would she do that? Duh, ain't nothin pretty back there. I'm not a 'Danger' type of rugged... but shit, I don't want you to meet my parents either.

I've been through more in 21 years of living than what a person with even the slightest bit more opportunity could have in 42 years. And I DONT EVEN ACT like it. 9-5 Monday through Friday, I'm prim and proper dressed for success with the best grammar one could have. But the Yale graduate in the graphic design department "loves Slaughter House and thinks Asher Roth should join them." C'mon man, what the FUCK? Just be YOU! Even if its not cool, I'm not always cool either. Have your own personal style, let it reflect who you are inside, it should meld every part of what has made you, together.

People ask me all the time: "Aye, why you always so angry?" Or tell me "Aye you're too raw, you mad crazy." It's not an act though, when the time is necessary you will see I'm ACTUALLY a tough chick. No need to wear a Butcher Knife on my head or post "Edgy" clothes on my blog I could never afford unless I still had mommy helping.
You know how expensive it is to look 'Grunge' now? Lol. Kurt Cobain is rolling in his grave right now as 90's babies trample above it in plaid shirts.

You'll know where you fit in when you move to NYC from the south into a 1 and a half bedroom, walk up... in the LES for $2000 a month. You'll walk in and your roommate will snorting lines off the moldy toilet top while some guy that looks like a dealer sit on the couch with his hands in his pants. You'll ask yourself... "Is this what being a 'hipster' is about? I'm calling my mom in Michigan so she can wire me some money"

---

-Shouts to Erica my lovely, who always keeps her look fierce in her heels even though she works in a slightly hood area and is from "The South Side." She could wear a plastic bag to work if she wanted but always looks like if she's going somewhere special.

-Sam who works at Ambercrombie and ROCKS her SHIT! Ed Hardy hat and alll, and I don't hate in the least bit. That's her and she was running around outside @2am on a weekday when she was 9.

-Bee, who will wear OG Jordans to the most stuffy or trendy lounges but still be cute as hell.

-Kirsy, who refuses to ever over do it, and will be the baddest bitch in the room with some Converse All Stars on.

-Shiv who is always Lady Gaga fresh, loveeees color but will hip grind you out of the building.

-And even though we just met: Shar (and she's a designer), who always has an understated but very pulled together hippie chic look going.

(ALL OF THE ABOVE WILL KNOCK YOUR TEETH IN WITH THE QUICKNESS, but are ALWAYS the essence of what a lady should be. They also are so vast in their lifestyle habits it would be hard to really define them. We all know lines from Wu-tang to Kings of Leon to Keri Hilson.)

I'm going to post pictures as examples so you guys can start jackin soon.

Oh and me of course Circa EARLY 07':

---

If you think I got some nerve to judge others and shouldn't be talking... um we obviously aren't friends. So...

As I wrote on Twitter: STICK A FIST IN IT BECAUSE WE NEED A GAP!

-A

Hey Ho...

...how you doin? How you been? Probably doin hoe stuff cause there you hoe again.

No bitch(blog), I actually love you. You're wifey. I just don't know how to deal with you sometimes. You tend to not give back as much as I give to you... so I stray. My Jumpoff(twitter) had been treating me right and I get instant gratification from her. She satisfies me on the spot, almost as if on impulse. But it's not the type of deep connection I have with you(blog). Jumpoff makes me giddy but you always kept me sane. She doesn't have the patience to hear me out or the capacity to hold all my thoughts(140 character limit). She's kinda young too and almost bird like. She's always chirpin with other people's business. She isn't very faithful either. The people she lets in our domain are sometimes very annoying. It's not like here where the only person you let get loud is me. :)

So Here I am back at your door step. I bring no gift or tricks. I just wanted to say hello and that I miss you. Soon enough I'll be ready to try to counsel it out with you and invest more energy into us. I just don't feel as eloquent or as creative as I once did, so until then I'm just going to send you songs to make you understand how I feel. I'm not dedicating them to you, I'm just presenting them to you. It's just what's easier for me.

Again, I love you and thank you for always being here... Exactly how I left you.

-A

About Me:

-A
This will be accompanied by a post if I feel like getting into detailing my new transformation into "The Asshole."

And just when I was about to click the edit button.

See this is why I fucks with my dude.
Though we've some how lost touch... There is no love lost at all.
I've never read something and in turn felt like I was just about to write the same exact thing.
Went to check the homie's blog before I started to go in on my own and well look: it's like this:

"As goes with the blog game. It’s either sit here, blog my life away for your reading pleasures, copy and paste a bunch of shit that you can definitely find on 100 other blogs and twitter, update you on every little thing that happens in the world while you’re out living life…or stick to the mother fucking script…become one of THE GREAT ONES."
-KLEP ONE

---

Need anyone say anymore? Click the link for the rest.

-A

Fuck You

But chill... I love you.

The two lines above just about sum up my relationship with the web right now.
I tend to want to get too emotional on here and I don't feel it's anyone's business to comment on my personal feelings. So obviously said feelings will stay private.

I have a love /hate relationship with the Internets therapeutic abilities and venting publicly is cool... until you realize people don't get it and that people even will go out of their ways to argue against you.

People fail to realize that blogs are not forums. If you really feel so strongly about something said on one you should go ahead and write your own god damn blog about it. Straight up. If something really effects your mental that much there's an X somewhere either to the far right or far left at the very top of your screen. You can close this box, you know.

Hence me simply not responding to people talking in codes on my blog with the anonymous cloak on. I am a hardened warrior and will go toe to toe with the best of you... but c'mon, show face and strike blows. Don't hide in the shadows throwing out sentences here and there just to be able to see something you wrote somewhere on the web.

I love insightful-ness so if you're ready to add to the discussion then join in, if not then go to Bored.com and play games or something. For real... it's fun there.

This whole URL right here is for me... not for you.


.
-A

Anything less than this is just that.

-A

Replacements are just that.

-A

Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire

AHHHHHHHAAAAAHHAAA

Back to My Asshole Move of the Week Posts:

It's the last 5 seconds that had me rolling...

-A

Obama's Congressional Address

I truly love him, but damn... does every normal Presidential thing on his agenda have to be so damn Hollywood?
He doesn't even use his Twitter account anymore. I hope to god he never makes us regret electing him because I will feel like such a damn turd. The masses of anti- Obama-ers comments are starting to seep into my reality realm and I'm now worrying.
Michelle looked good though yesterday. Lmao @ all the "Michelle goes sleeveless" headlines. See what I mean?


-A

Kanye/Cudi Update for Timeline Purposes only

Yes, this is all late but my blog also serves as an archive for shit I once liked so... These go up for that one day someone says they never heard or saw these things. Then I can just come back here and find it, instead of scavenging the web in search of them:

Kanyeezy
Musica:
-Ft. The Dream- "Walking On The Moon"
-Ft. T-Pain- "Flight School"
Vid:

---

Cudder
Musica:
-"09' Freestyle"
Vid:


And Der Ya Go.

-A

Damn

They're still suffering in New Orleans.

So, obviously we're being a tad facetious with the title of this piece. New Orleans ain't "all fixed." It's nowhere near. While it's true that some parts of the city are bouncing back rather spectacularly, all one has to do is pull up a copy of the Times-Picayune or cruise on over to its site to realize that it is still a living hell for a good deal of residents. NOLA's murder rate is closer to Baghdad's than any other American city, and continues to rise--a trend made all the more terrifying by the fact that the city's population is still a fraction of its pre-Katrina level. The economy's depressed, rents are up, neighborhoods like Central City and the Lower Ninth Ward look like they just got hit two weeks ago, rather than nearly two years... just stepping back and surveying the scene makes it seem like New Orleans' survival is barely hanging by a thread. But New Orleanians are stubborn and will remain stubborn no matter what the federal government/Bush administration/local politicians/gangs of murderous drug dealers/God decides to dole out to them. It's their curse and their salvation.

-VBS

---

Meanwhile Obama just sent 17,000 kids to Baghdad... Yes, I said it and I know whats going on. And yes Steve, I know I voted for him. Hopefully he has a real plan though unlike previous war gods.
But this Doc right here got me wanting to write letters to someone like, how fucked is this world? Is Obama going to try to reform education yet? Someone send me a memo when he gets to that.

-A

Feel Better

Thanks to my Bestie E$ for showing me that the key to being happy is laughing at other people's misery:

Fuck My Life

-A

I never understood...

...how women could detach all emotion from sexual encounters and make sex a means to make money.
I know I'm very lucky to have been born a woman here in America versus anywhere else on the Globe. When I see things like the video below I especially feel blessed.
I know we have hookers here also though, which is why I'm sitting here thinking to myself why women ever started to sell their vagins.
I know its easy and a smart way to capitalize on an asset you obtained freely buuuut.
I just feel like women are very smart, emotional and in tune with their inner-selves. So why wpuld one let random people into their wombs? I studied psych in college for some of these same questions. I'd like to understand how bad experiences damage the brain into conformity and how one could lose themselves in a hunt for money. I mean even if you're a "sex addict." How did you get there? Why? Why put yourself in danger and willingly at that? What is the human addiction to despair and downward spirals? Do we like feeling pain? If you've never been happy in life does it mean you never will learn to be?
I'm rambling.
Watch the video below to understand my confusion and watch women selling their pussies as usual:


-A

Just Cause

.
STILL ON TEAM JIMMY THOUGH! I miss Dipset like a mother fucker :(

-A

Sexay Fuckin PBR typa Music

Before you followers got on the band wagon and accepted other types of music, I had every Yeah Yeah Yeahs album on my ipod since their last one in 06'.
In the three years since then; I flooded my imeem account with them and put everyone that would give them a chance on to them.
I waited patiently, stirring quietly inside until my next dose of Karen O. screeching.
And now, at last:
Heads Will Roll
Click to download.
Their album "It's Blitz" drops April 14th. Stay tuned for more YYY's in the coming months/

---

Again, Ed Banger since 04'...

Sebastien is a pussy terrorist... I swear. Do the french really need anymore excuses to have sex? Damn you Mr. Tellier!

-A

I promise to try my best

That's all I can guarantee.
Not going to put up too much music ish anymore because I already told you where you can find the latest stuff... Unless it's something I really love and feel it needs to reach out as far as possible.
Not sure what direction I'm going to take this blog on now, but I'm going to try to do at least one post daily.
You know who doesn't slack though?:

That guy.

-A

And so I tend to think...

A heart stands in a blackened room.
Still.
Afraid of what might reach out and grab it.
Afraid of the paranormal.

Anything that can actually grab a piece of what is physically left;
must be extra-ordinary.

Ghosts that linger and destroy,
But only emotionally...

For none can actually enter and touch.

But to possess...
You would indeed have to be a god.

-A

An Eminem Mood

Ok sooooooo
Yup, I'm mad. As usual.

Andddd I really want to slit someone's throat and watch the blood pour out all over the wooden floors while I laugh in delight.

A muslim TV founder beheads his wife, billions lost in Iraq, Obama gets a bill passed with only 3 Republican's approval and that 13 year old father from Britain gets a Maury test...

I also would love to finish this post but I work with faggots who can't do anything for themselves. So in about one hour I will go IN on the Blog.
Stay tuned... I promise.

-A

DRAKE

is that nigga.

Drake - So Far Gone

---

After listening to this 3 times I have realized the above.
"On Let's Call It Off" he's spits the realest shit ever. The Calm is also one of those track that I will send subliminals through.
I'll be back.

-A

In Case You Weren't Informed:

[18:06] KLEP ONE IDJ ROC: well either way
[18:07] KLEP ONE IDJ ROC: theres no grade higher than a+
[18:07] KLEP ONE IDJ ROC: or higher than top notch

Blaow. Fuck what you heard before the above statement regarding good ol'Aye.
ONLY the above is true!

-A
Muahahahaha

Most Slept On Part 1

Throughout the week I'll be shedding some light on some seriously under marketed, not rising fast enough, artists.
Need I say more?

#1:J.A.M.E.S. WATTS
I had no fucking clue duke shot a video in MY HOOD...Smh.


-Point A: He's so humble he doesn't tell anyone about his shows and do I need to explain the mans talent? I mean, just go listen...
-Point B:
-Point C: He produced "A Better Tomorrow." Hence, the dude produces... Double whammy! Which makes the above banner even more true.

---

More "Slept On" artists coming soon. (Wishing my blog had waaay more viewers and a little more pull.)

-A

I curse

too much.
But will never stop.
If you don't like it...
Go eat a Thai hooker's arse hole.

-A
PEEP THE TWITTER SIDEBAR FOR NEW ISH AND MY WEEKEND HAPPENINGS!

Your hair is thinning, your breath stinks and you have too many blackheads.

I am Buffy The Vampire Slayer and

I will fuucking slay you! Come test me!

Seriously will love this show forever, but that's not the point.

-A

MY MAN!

Repeating a promise made during the presidential campaign, the Obama administration yesterday vowed to stop the federal government from interfering in states with medical marijuana laws as soon as they can appoint a new head of the DEA.


“The president believes that federal resources should not be used to circumvent state laws, and as he continues to appoint senior leadership to fill out the ranks of the federal government, he expects them to review their policies with that in mind," White House spokesman Nick Shapiro told reporters.


Obama promised a hands-off policy on medical marijuana during his campaign, but since he took office the DEA, led by Bush appointed Acting Administrator Michele Leonhart, has nonetheless raided at least three medical marijuana dispensaries in California, each time seizing money and medicine, but making no arrests.


The administration’s renewed commitment to respecting states with medical marijuana laws follows thousands of phone calls to the White House, plus a flood of comments on change.gov, all calling for the President to make good on his campaign promise. Americans for Safe Access, the nation’s largest medical cannabis advocacy organization, greeted the statement with strong approval.


"Americans for Safe Access acknowledges President Obama's continued pledge to end federal interference with state medical marijuana laws," commented Caren Woodson, Director of Government Affairs. “We look forward to working with the President and his Administration to enact long-term policies that support safe and legal access to cannabis for therapeutic use and research."


Meanwhile, Sarah Pullen, a DEA spokeswoman refused to offer any explanation for the raids. “I can’t get into details as to the probable cause behind the warrants,” she said. “Except for the fact that they’re dealing with marijuana, which is illegal under federal law.”



Perhaps the DEA dead enders were trying to throw down a challenge to the incoming President, lest he get any ideas about actually reforming our disastrous war on drugs. Or perhaps it was just an easy payday.


An employee of Beach Center Collective in Playa del Rey told the Los Angeles Times that DEA officers confiscated so much property that the dispensary would not be able to reopen.



“They took everything,” said the 32-year-old employee, who asked not to be named. “You name it, they took it – right down to the television. The computer, patient files, medicine, cash in the register – that’s it, we’re done. It’s just too bad. [Our patients] have epilepsy, cancer, MS, diabetes – two of our patients have one leg. They’re gonna have to travel a lot farther and go to places that aren’t as safe for them.”

Article : HERE

---

God, when is this medical use going to be passed in NY? I need brownies ASAP.

If my job ever monitors my comp use, I am seriously going to get fired. Smh, another thing that should be illegal is employee computer monitoring.

PS. GIVE MICHAEL PHELPS A BREAK!

-A

Industry Ish of The Day

Hip Hop Legend

Vs.
Hip-Hop Idiot (Why the fuck does he still dress like THAT?!)


And
Kanye is a fool...


Side Note: I will no longer post music related things randomly. They will all be summed up in this new "Industry Ish" Title. It's not important anyway and there are a million other blogs you can find these things in. Especially @ Herfection.com, Shorty stays in Grind mode and must have way more time than me cause she stay on top of shit.
Also Lowkey @ YouHeardThatNew? He's another on point individual.
Kudos to you guys, keep it up.

You want something other than music, plus a little music? Then stay here!

-A

Hoes in Different Area codes

What do people do in an economic collapse in foreign countries?
Same thing we do here:

Whore themselves...

Once the ultimate globalization success story, the island of Saipan now faces one of the fastest economic collapses in history. After suffering a harsh history of military struggles as well as a temporary economic boom after becoming a U.S. commonwealth, the island now stands devastated. Scores of factories remain empty, rotting shopping centers litter the country, and former factory workers turn to the sex industry for survival. Adam Yamaguchi visits Saipan to document the rise and sudden collapse of a tiny piece of America.

Full Episode: HERE

---

My opinion? Doesn't exist. The world is fucked. That's a fact

-A

And, this one is for Kirs...

Kirsy's dick is bigger than yours. Lmao.

-A

SMH

Here you go Dre.

And I might go in on some political/world view shit in a few (if I feel up to it). Haven't been in a blogging mood lately. Been living it out, instead of blogging it out.

-A

" I wear Cuban Links only Because of you!"

(Chubby Faced as hell and Raekwon looks constipated but I swear he loves me!)

Sooo we're outside of SOB's after one of the worst SOB nights I have ever been to, (nothing to with Charles Hamilton, props to him, late as hell but I understand why. Plus he did a nice original hip-hop typa battle that everyone was feeling. Posted that on my twitter account the next day.)

Blah, anyway... So Raekwon is leaving SOB's and I spot him and I can't breathe. I swear to god to this day this is the only rapper I ever felt star struck for. I'm standing behind him waiting for him to turn around and notice me. And of course Charles Hamilton the superstar that he is, has to roll up on him right before he is about to leave. Grr. So Raekwon with is back to me and Charles is in front of him and I'm mouthing to Chuck" " Thats Raekwon , omg that's Raekwon and you stealing my time! Go away, go away!" Charles is lookin at me... mouths back "I know just give me a second, give me a second." We do that for a good two minutes and Raekwon slips away. I'm tight as hell at that point.

So we're outside and I'm again, hella tight. So I spot Raekwon again with a bunch of other rappers and they're rhyming in a cipher. I'm like should I do it? Should I do it? Fuck it, Lavonda convinces me and I do it!

Straight ran up, apologized for interrupting but say "Yo your music is the reason I love hip-hop, life changing shit and I wear Cuban links only because of you."

He goes: "Word shorty?, come here!" (everyone else is saying all typa "Oh, she's real." shit)

And Boom, I get my pic and that's history.

---

And Here's Some New Shit From The Chef Himself:
-"Crimonology 09'" Feat. Ghostface Killah
&
-"Yes Sir"


-A

This Woman

Has Massive amounts of talent. I really hope she gets a little more attention soon.

Jasmine Sullivan- "Lions and Tigers and Bears"

-A
Side Note: In case you didn't know.. Men will never truly appreciate women. Or at least the men I've ever come into contact with. Besides Timothy Dueno whom is the only real man I've ever met... The rest of these thugs are worthless. Bum ass mother fuckers who act like they are somebody when they aren't worth the hair on their balls.(oooo ,I curse and say nigga. oh goodness, that means I'm ghetto? [NOT!])
How can you act like a boss when you probably can't even clean the toilet bowl in your own bathroom? You guys don't even know how to properly clean the dead skin off your lips (exfoliation is key people!)and have the nerve to downplay a female.

You think you deserve a top notch lady when you don't have it fully together as a man? I don't want to sound bitter or scorned cause it's not about that. Men just don't understand a woman's value and the power and beauty they possess. Woman hold in their wombs the key to life and granted we do need men to complete the process; theere is something magical about women.

Our extreme power to love and hold a family together, the complete unselfishness we are able to provide when consumed in love are some of those things. We give so much more of ourselves in situations. Yes we are emotional, but that is the essence of our beauty. Our ability to look past the material side of an issue and worry about the emotional and physical time we put into a situation. Yes, we do complain but only because we know the potential of a situation and what we really want from it. Not that we are users either; we just know how we are supposed to be treated and settle for less too often.

If a woman is telling you how you should improve, please don't get offended or annoyed, I'm sure there are some things she needs to work on also. But instead of having an adult conversation about it, men blow up and get annoyed and kick bitches out of the picture. Men also have the ability to forget quickly and move along waay faster than women. I just wonder if ya'll think about the chick afterward. Does a real woman stand out in your memory while you fuck all the pretty faces? Do you remember her realness, her skin, her smile, her smell, her breakfast? I don't think ya'll do. I don't think men ever think it's their faults. I believe they feel a chick just wasn't a 10 so that's why she isn't around. My nigga, you wouldn't know a good woman if she was the president's wife, you'd still have some side shit to say.

I really just feel there is no hope. No hope for love or substantial, stable relationships. ESPECIALLY IN THE INDUSTRY, oh forget about that. I'm not even about to go in on how industry relationships go.------Post cut short because my boss needs some things done, I'm not finished, I'll be right back.

-A

Luda kills it

... Or that's what LowKey said cause I can't even hear this right now at work but I know its a banger:

Rockin That Thang (Remix)- The Dream ft. Juelz Santana, Fabolous, Ludacris and Rick Ross
Source: The Best Of Both Offices

WOOP WOOP, Off to Jadakiss' listening party and then to Jim Jones'... Who said the business moved to LA?

-A

I

Give Up
Give In
Give Out.

---

Ghosting for a long time period. I don't have a fucking computer. I have no speakers at work and refuse to post anymore things I can't listen to first hand. Psh, no one checks this shit anyway. Who am I kidding?

-A

I Hope...

...They pass the test of time and shut down all the negativity and stay together forever:

He Said:


I say:
When The Money Goes...

Cause this typa love is waaay easier with massive amounts money. But damn, when she sits down and smells his underarms... That got me. Showed a realness I thought I had once. Yet, don't think you know someone just because you pick the cheese out of their toenails.

-A

Seriously Part 2:

This is going to lead many a mistakes in the clubs if too many drinks are in the system:


I have mad other shit I wanna throw up but Urb.com is being gay so BRB with that.

-A
Oh and I want a mink, like for real. ASAP.

Oh and...

To my hommie who said "barack aint do shit yet." You know who you are!
Peep his day one record: Executive Orders for January 21st, 2009.
That's business right there.

-A

ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION!

Come out and support my peoples. He really isn't an asshole either!

Seriously ya'll the nigga is nice. Don't sleep! Plus "The Fisters" shall be in the building. If you don't know us, you soon will.
Here's Chuck in action at his last show @ SOB's:


-A

Monday means:

"New" Music Type ish:


Cudi on MTV:

And B.O.B. really does have a point. We're all just:


-A

Forgot this last year:

Listen up ladies!:

Hope ya'll are learning something...

-A

This is Fucked up

I bet this lead to more rapes:

China closes 1,250 sites in online porn crackdown.
China has closed down 1,250 Web sites in its latest crackdown on online pornography but still faces an uphill task in regulating the unwieldy Internet for vulgar content, an official said Friday.
Liu Zhengrong, deputy director of the Cabinet's Internet Affairs Bureau, said authorities have also arrested 41 people in the monthlong campaign that began Jan. 5.
"We have made apparent achievements but it's only for this phase," Liu told reporters. "We still have a lot of work to do."
Earlier this month, authorities warned Google, Baidu, Sina and Sohu — China's most heavily used sites — that they had to do more to block pornographic material from reaching Chinese users.
The moves are part of a continuing government campaign against using the Internet to access pornography, which is banned in China.
However, it remains widely available off and on the Internet, where popular Web portals frequently show sexually explicit pictures and provide links to pornographic sites.
China's population of Internet users is expanding at explosive rates and has risen to 298 million after passing the United States last year to become the world's largest. On average, there are 240,000 new Chinese users and 3,000 new sites daily, Liu said.
"Our biggest challenge is that the Internet is still growing," he said. "We are facing a long-term, complex and huge task."

---

Oh god, just let em choke the chicken! It's better than holding it in and having those poor un-well endowed men finding other outlets of release. Smh.

-A

Macless

I've lost my mojo people. I officially have to buy a new computer. Forgive me. I am mad as hell, I lost EVERYTHING. This had led to me eating my worries away. I'm like a heffer right now. Anyway, I had a million exclusive pics Lavonda sent me that I couldn't put up first and mad music I wanted to share. Theophilus London's new mixtape dropped and I have not yet been able to download it, but I heard it! Also the crew will be at Electric Punnany at Sway tomorrow night and hopefully Charles Hamilton at SOB's on Tuesday night. Spread the word please, dude is hella nice, even if you think he's an asshole; the man has undeniable talent. Show a little love and come join us at both. Peep the Twitter on the side bar for times and random daily updates. Peace.

-A

SOB's 1/21/08

The video I posted yesterday was from the train ride home that night. Here are some pics via Kirsy Lovett (Waiting on
Lala for some more):









I Officially had the MOST stupid faces on that night. I don't care, we had fun and we're doing it again tonight:


-A