Lost

..Honestly and truly in every sense of the word. I was talking to someone close today about how I can't take working for "the man" anymore. I AM NOT the slave 9-5, Mon-Fri, "the weekend is enough time to relax" type of person. I'm only working because if not; I would be another severely broke statistic. I need to stack and then continue to do whatever truly makes me happy. Andre was mother fucking right when he said he was way happier with less money while doing what he loved. I have the "I can't be broke and not stylin syndrome" though. I really want to go back to school full time or even fly out to LA and try to do and learn more of what I REALLY want as my career, but I CAN NOT have empty pockets. I Don't have enough money saved for anything that I really want to leap for. So I'm stuck droning until I stack up enough money to do the previous. I feel like I will forever be hitting the glass ceiling like this though. Those of you who were lucky enough to have a support group that enabled you to do exactly what you wanted, should feel extremely privileged. My family never put a dime away for my college fund and never tried to motivate me towards bigger goals. Coming from that, I believe I've achieved quiet a bit. I am still very ambiguous and do happen to like the better things in life. I'm not asking or hoping for a sugar daddy but I would love for 10 grand to fall in lap right now. 10 grand would be enough for me to go after my real desires in life. I don't want to live in Willy B forever, I would love to be overly rich but just living well would do. I'd be fine with one house and two cars. I don't need the house in the hills of LA with the pool you can step into from your living room, but I sure as hell fucking want it. I'll get there eventually, I'm only 20. I just feel like I can't go another day waking up and not wanting to get out of bed. Or another day of the packed L train that I take from Bedford Ave to 14th Street everyday with guys bumping into my behind, while their hot breath pours down all over me. I'm starting to feel suffocated by even just Manhattan in general. Sure the out of towners love it, but try being there everyday, shit gets SUPER WHACK. I rather work in some obscure part of another borough in a mad chill neighborhood. Yet those jobs usually require a car to get to because the train is so damn far away. And guess what you need to buy a car? MONEY! So either way I'm stuck here for a minute. [I'm fucked]. Don't want to depend on MJ to get me though this rough patch buuut... you sparkin?
UGH, how can I even think of that when I'm supposed to be stacking? Therapist anyone?

-A